Partner Support: Preparing and Planning for Birth

Introduction

It’s nearly time to meet your baby! And while you won’t be the one giving birth, it’s completely natural to feel nervous and excited too. The main focus will, of course, be on your partner, but remember that you play an important role in the journey to meeting your baby.

From how to support your partner and your role as their birthing partner to how to speak up for them in the delivery room and tips on managing your own emotions – there are many meaningful ways you can help your partner prepare for one of the most memorable days you’ll share.

What is the role of a birthing partner?

If you’re the birthing partner (or birth partner), your job is to be there for the person giving birth – offering both emotional and practical support so they feel safe, confident, and cared for throughout labour and delivery.¹

A birthing partner could be a partner, co-parent, close friend, family member, or even a trained professional like a doula – anyone who can help make the birth experience as positive and supported as possible.

What should I know about birth plans and how to be involved?

A birth plan is a document outlining your partner’s preferences for labour, birth, and postpartum care. It can include pain relief choices, who’s present, positions for labour, cutting the umbilical cord, and skin-to-skin contact.²

It’s a good idea to be familiar with it, so you know what your partner’s preferences are, what matters most, and where you can be flexible.

What should I expect during labour and birth as a partner?

As an expectant dad or partner, being there at the birth of your child is an incredible experience. However, labour can take a long time but knowing what to expect can help you stay calm.

Recognising the signs of labour:³

• Contractions or tightenings – these may feel like extreme period pains
• The ‘show’ – a sticky blob of mucus. This is the plug that was sealing the cervix. Although sometimes there is no show.
• Back pain – when baby’s head presses on the spine
• Needing the toilet – when baby’s head presses on the bladder or bowels
• Waters breaking – this could be a little pop or trickle of clear liquid

First stages of labour (3 phases)⁴

• Early labour is the longest stage and can last up to several hours. It begins with contractions that gradually get longer and stronger. Once they reach five minutes apart and are lasting for about 60 seconds, it’s time to call the hospital or your midwife. If you have any concerns at any time call your midwife.
• Active labour usually lasts up to six hours. Contractions are now every 3-5 minutes and lasting for 40-60 seconds.
• Transition is the most intense phase and usually lasts anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. Contractions are now every 2-3 minutes, lasting between 60 and 90 seconds.

Second stage (Pushing & Birth)

• Your partner is fully dilated and feeling the urge to push during contractions. The pushing stage can last minutes to up to 3 hours.
• Your baby is born

Third stage (Placenta delivery)

• After your baby is born, the placenta is delivered. This takes about 5-10 minutes.
• It can be active – an injection in your partner’s thigh to make it happen quicker. Or physiological, when it’s left to happen naturally.

For a more in-depth look, why not check out our stages of labour guide.

How can I support my partner during labour?

There are lots of ways to support your partner during labour – emotional support, physical comfort, advocacy, and simply being present.

Being there, staying calm, offering reassurance, and listening to how they feel can make a big difference. Being on hand with drinks and snacks, helping them change position, and guiding them through breathing techniques may also be welcomed.

Other ways include speaking with maternity staff about the birth plan, protecting your partner’s space, and advocating for their needs – for example, if they change their mind about pain relief or feel overwhelmed by too many people in the room.

Whatever happens, remember labour is an intense and highly emotional experience. Try not to take things too personally and focus on the bigger picture of supporting your partner and welcoming your new baby.

What should I pack in the hospital bag as a dad or partner?

As well as packing your partner’s and baby’s hospital bags, it’s worth bringing a few essentials of your own.⁵

For example:

• Copy of the birth plan
• A change of clothes
• Underwear
• Something to sleep in
• Toiletries – toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, etc.
• Phone charger
• Water & snacks
• Any medication you’re on

How do I prepare emotionally for the birth?

Do remember that the birth of your baby is happening to you as well as your partner, and you have every right to feel overwhelmed and anxious.

Here are few things you can do to get ready for it:

• Be prepared – learn about the stages of labour and how you can help. Read through the birth plan and talk to your partner about it. Ask about how you can help and what they want your role to be – understanding can help lower anxiety.
• Breathe – practise grounding techniques like slow breathing and counting. This is something you can do together with your partner during labour too.
• Focus on the present – try not to worry about what might happen and stay tuned to your partner’s needs in the moment.
• Ask for help – if you need to, talk to a midwife or GP, they’ll be more than happy to help.

What are my roles during the birth?

There are many ways you can help, but it’ll be up to your partner on the day on what they would like you to do.

Tips for dads or partners during labour:

• Help with breathing and relaxation techniques
• Help them change position to stay comfortable
• Fetch the midwife
• Offer food and drink
• Hold their hand, offer a cool flannel, or words of support
• Let them know what’s happening
• Know the birth plan and remind medical staff of what your partner wants
• Use encouraging words, praise and reassurance – tell them they’re doing great

How can I advocate for my partner in the delivery room?

You can advocate for your partner by knowing what’s important to them, checking in often, and speaking up kindly if something doesn’t match their wishes – anything you can do to help make sure they feel listened to and supported.

You can help your partner by:

• Speaking up when they can’t
• Helping them make medical choices
• Understanding the birth plan
• Requesting staff, equipment, or support when needed
• Asking politely for clarity, if something isn’t explained clearly
• Knowing their preferences, but also that they might change their mind
• By being there, listening, and remaining calm

How do same-sex partners prepare for birth?

Just like any couple, it helps to understand the birth plan, talk through any wishes for the delivery room, and agree on the roles you’d each like to take.

A few additional things you may want to do are:

• Communicate with staff ahead of time so everyone knows who you are (co-parent, non-birthing partner, or another role) and your pronouns⁶
• Talk about the parenting terms you each prefer
• Decide on what roles you’d like to take on immediately after birth

What happens after the baby is born – what’s my role then?

Your little one is here – congratulations! You’re now officially parents of a newborn. Right after they arrive, there are lots of ways you can help and feel involved.

A few simple things you can do to support your partner are:

• Offer drinks, snacks, and a blanket, if they’re feeling cold or shaky
• Provide reassurance, praise and comfort
• Listen to how they’re feeling – joy, exhaustion, and/or stress are all normal
• Support their choice of breastfeeding or bottle feeding – helping with positioning, encouragement, or asking staff for help⁷
• Watch out for any pain or distress they might be in
• Continue advocating for them with HCPs
• Provide physical support if there’s been ventouse, forceps or c-section delivery as they may need help hobbling around

Some tips for bonding with your newborn include:

• Skin-to-skin contact – this helps regulate your baby’s temperature, breathing and heart rate, and encourages bonding⁸
• Spending time with them while your partner rests
• Changing nappies, bathing and soothing them
• Looking after yourself – eat, drink and rest when you can
• Taking short breaks to stay calm and supportive

The best thing you can do is take it day by day. There’s a lot to adjust to, and it’s completely normal for it to take a while as you all settle into your new roles.

Look after each other, and if you feel you need extra help, reach out to your midwife or health visitor (assigned to your baby after birth), friends, and/or family.